tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
