Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
