I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
