come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
