It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
