Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He did a backflip because drugs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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