perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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