we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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