Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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