You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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