At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
