1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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