The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
