The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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