she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
