i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
do nipples grow back?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
