Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
