I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
