one might say we're banned from that church
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
