You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
