her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
