it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
