Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
