he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
