So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
