I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
