I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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