She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
