So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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