I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
