remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
