At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
