I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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