dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
