Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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