you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
