THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
