Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
