I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
did you just send me my own nude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
