I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
