I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
