I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
