I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize