i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
