Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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