I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
