One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
