There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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