the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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