I'm gonna have a badass scar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
