omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
