he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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