Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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