Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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