What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
