watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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