Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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