My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
