sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to get me chipped asap
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
