we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
