Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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