I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
