I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
