Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
