Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
