Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
