i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
