The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
