i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this just has baby written all over it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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