dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
