you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
