I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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