Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're too hungover to prance.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
