OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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