plz talk dirty to me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I cockslap morals
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
