If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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