Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
