And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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