Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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