His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
