I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
