i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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