pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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