Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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