my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
