i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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