so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
