i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
