My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
