i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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