i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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