Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
