This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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