I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
