I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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