I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
