Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
