His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
